But why...

When the idea first came to mind, of doing a solo trip almost a month long, I didn't actually think I'd do it. I work two jobs, and so I was super hesitant to ask for that amount of time off. But I also thought, "Hey, what's the worst thing that can happen? They say no? That's not too bad.".

And so I asked. And very surprisingly, both jobs gave me a whole month off; I almost couldn't believe it. Because in all honesty, I did not think I would get the time off. But now that they did, I put pen to paper and started mapping out a route.

I wasn't exactly sure of where I wanted to go, except that I wanted to be out west. I hadn't seen my brother in years - he's currently station in WA with his wife (who I had never met before) and their brand new little one Miles - and so I decided to make WA the end point. Now all I needed to do was figure out everything in between here (GA) and there.

I had spoken to a few people about the idea of going on this trip, and initially, the responses were mixed. Some people were super happy and thought it was brave of me to do something like this. Others were a little confused and thought, "but why?".

Why would someone drive across the country as their first real solo trip, and do that for a month? There's so much that can happen in between here and there. I had no idea what the environment would be like, when and where I would have cell service, what would happen if my car broke down, etc. I knew a few people that were on the route along the way, but even then, if something happened it probably would have been hours before getting help, especially out in the desert.

So why... when there are so many things that could go wrong, and with it just being me, myself and I on this trip, would I do something like this.

Amongst all of the things that could happen, the things that could go wrong, I also thought about all the things that could go right. For the last 8-10 months, I surrounded myself with work as a distraction. I was working 7 days a week, started going out on the weekends for "fun", and started running as an escape. I would definitely be lying if I said none of those things helped me, because they did. I'm living in my own apartment for the first time in my life at 26. For the first time, I am solely responsible for myself and my dog financially. My friends, some of which are also now family, almost tripled within those first couple of months.

I went from survival mode, to now being at a place where I can take a step back for a bit; where I could actually (and finally) start to relax. My life, after it was falling apart, was finally coming back together. And that is when I started listening to myself, started listening to what I craved, what I needed, and what I wanted.

Although I'd like to say that the why behind doing this trip is somewhat complicated, it really isn't. Ever since I did a 2-week camping trip during my undergrad where we went out to New Mexico and Arizona, I'd felt like I had left a piece of myself out there. It was a connection with the outdoors like no other, and every time I visited places like New Mexico, Colorado, and Arizona, I was reminded of how happy I was being out there.

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Adventure. Exploration. Connecting with myself on another level. This is what I craved, what I needed and what I wanted. There was a Tik Tok video I saw about a month before this crazy idea came into my mind, and from the video was this:

" When you explore who are, away from everyone that knows who you are, you are your purest self for the very first time."

I was on FaceTime with one of my best friends, telling her about me finally deciding to do this trip, and afterwards she sent me a text that read:

"I think you are navigating the best you can, and are really trying new things and I'm happy you're exploring yourself and the world friend. You've always been the adventurer."

From time to time, I reread that last part of the message, "You've always been the adventurer", because that is what I have always wanted to be.

People will come and go; you make friends, you lose friends, and then you make more.

Money will come and go; you make some, you lose some, but you'll find a way to continue making more.

But time.

Time is the one thing that when it's gone, it's gone. No matter how much we wish for more, wish it hadn't gone by so fast. It will always continue to flow in one direction.

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One of my managers, the trip became dubbed the "Sara Trek"; couldn't be a more perfect name. And from one of my friends, they told me I was going "soul searching' through the desert to find myself", and that couldn't be a more perfect explanation to answer why. It's crazy that it's now been a week being back home, slowly returning to my everyday norm.

And today, I still can't believe I did it. I drove almost 8,000 miles, living out of my car a majority of the time, to get closer to myself.

To learn more about myself, connect with who and what I am, and understand the who and what I want to become.

And yet I would give anything to do it all over again. To relive those moments of sadness, happiness...

To experience it all for very first time again.